finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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