Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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