we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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