Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
