I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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