I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
