make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
