you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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