I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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