I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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