i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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