you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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