Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize