You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
