Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
