it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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