i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
