youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
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I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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