It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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