when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
