We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the liver wants what the liver wants
My penis needs a shock collar
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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