So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
