i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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