So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
