i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
