I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
