I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
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Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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