I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
