Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
