So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
