I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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