We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got chris browned last night
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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