Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
