Pants 0. Shit 1.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
