I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can I color on your dick again?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
