I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
