WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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