i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
