First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
