What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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