We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We are two peas in an std pod
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
