I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
