We're like a lot better than the average bears
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
