I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
