Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
