I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
