when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I could fuck to npr.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
