There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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