I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
