she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
what day is it and did you see me today?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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