I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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