Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
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apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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