Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
