I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize