I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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