I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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