just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
