Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
