is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
